Vacuum

My floor looks like a pig's trough after lunch time, so I pull out the vacuum for a much needed mid-day cleaning.
After vacuuming, I put the vacuum down on the floor for a minute while I tend to Legend's spaghetti sauce face.

Cash seems to think I have misplaced the vacuum. He stands over it pointing.
Cash - "Here it is, auntie. Here is your back."
Me - "My back?"
Cash, still pointing at the vacuum - "Yeah, auntie. Here is your hairy back."
Me - "I think you mean vacuum."
Cash nods casually - "Yeah. That's right."

The question is: where has he heard the phrase "hairy back" before?

Inappropriate

Kayla looks down her own shirt.

Kayla - "There are nipples on my belly, auntie."
Me - "Yes, I guess there are."
Kayla - "See auntie? I have nice nipples on my belly." She holds open the neck of her shirt so that I can see.
Me - "Uhh... yeah... hey, do you want to read a story with me?"

So inappropriate.

Dice

Legend is playing with his Daddy's dice. He accidentally drops them into his chair and sits on them.

Legend - "I'm pooping dice!"

Lizard

We found a very tiny lizard toy at the park the other day. It has become a prized possession in this house, when it is discovered among all the toys.

Legend is playing with the little lizard at the table but drops it and can't see it.
Legend, a bit frantic - "Lizard! Lizard!"
Cash - "Where is the lizard, Auntie Kate?"
Me - "I don't know. I don't see it either."
Legend, more frantic, verging on tears; it is nearing nap time - "LIZARD!"

Cash - "Did Legend eat the lizard, Auntie Kate?"
Me - "Ha. No. He didn't eat it."
Legend, suddenly grinning - "I eat it! I eat it!"
He opens his mouth to show me it is empty, proof that he has swallowed the lizard.

Me - "Legend, you didn't eat it. You dropped it. Let's find it."
Cash - "Oh no! Legend can't eat the lizard! Oh no!"
Legend is nodding mischievously with his mouth still open - "I eat the lizard."

I finally find the toy lizard and hand it back to Legend.
Cash - "Phew! Legend didn't eat it. Phew! That was close."
Legend holds the toy up in front of his open mouth and looks at me to see if I will allow him to eat it.

This is a strange kind of stubborn.

Do I have to?

I always try to get the kids to go potty just before their parents pick them up so they don't have accidents in the car.

It is just about time for Cash's mom to arrive.
Me - "Cash, your mom will be here very soon. Let's go potty before she gets here."
Cash, reluctantly - "Okay." And he takes his sweet time meandering to the bathroom.

Cash sits on the toilet and successfully tinkles.
Cash, doubtful - "I have to do this?"

Me - "You went pee already. Good job. All done?"
Cash, as he climbs down - "You say I gotta do this? In the potty?"
Me - "Yes. Big girls and boys go pee and poo in the potty, not in a diaper like babies."

Cash raises his eyebrows - "Okay then Auntie. Mommy comes soon so I go pee for you."
Me - "Thank-you Cash."

Ladies and Gentlemen

It is time for a Teddy Bear Tea Party! I have a nice table cloth spread out on the floor, a plate of delicious snacks, and a fine Chine tea set with orange juice all prepared. I set the kids' special teddy bears around the table cloth so that they can join us. The kids watch me, bouncing and pointing, with far too much energy. I do not foresee this ending well, but it is worth a try.

Before I allow them anywhere near the lovely display, I give them the rules.
Me - "Okay everyone, come gather around Auntie. Come to Mommy."
"Look at me. Look at me. I want to see your eyes. Look at me." I finally get their attention.
"We are going to have a picnic with our teddy bears. We must be very calm and gentle." I speak in a low, gentle voice and move slowly.
"Look at me....We must be very careful with the cups. They are very special. Don't drop them. Be very gentle." They nod gravely.
"I want you to sit on your bum beside your bear and be very calm and gentle. Okay?"
They nod very seriously and are now calm and quiet.

Then, to my surprise, we sit and have a lovely time.
I was honestly expecting chaos, broken china, and spilled snack and juice.

Cash - "I would like more juice please, Auntie."

Legend - "Thank you very much, Mommy."

Kayla - "Bear, do you want some pickle too? Here you go."

What happened to my Sharp Tooth dinosaurs of five minutes ago?

Naked

Warning: While the naked method of potty training is super effective, your child may never want to wear pants again.

Episode 1:
Legend is happily sitting on the couch, munching cheerios for breakfast, and watching a cartoon. He is fully clothed for the day.

There is a knock at the door. It is Kayla and her mom.
Legend hears Kayla's voice and he pops off the couch and runs down the hall. "Kayla! Hi!"

He is completely naked.


Episode 2:
I put Legend's clothes on him in the morning.
After a few minutes, Legend - "Ouch. Ouch. Pants off. Don't want pants."
I offer him different pants and he nods and allows me to change his pants.

A few minutes later, he complains about his shirt and pulls it off.
He runs away when I try to put a new shirt on him.
Well, he is a boy, so no shirt is no big deal. It's not worth the fight.

A few minutes later, Legend rips his pants off and tears around the house.
He laughs as he dodges daddy. It is a wonderful naked game.

Awake

Nap time is usually a sure thing for Legend. He plays hard and sleeps hard. Not today.

After an hour and a half of trying to get Legend to have his nap so that we can avoid an evening of over-tired, grumpy tot, I hear a strange scratching noise coming from his room.

When I enter his room, I find Legend literally climbing the wall, or trying to at least. The scratching noise is coming from his fingernails scraping along the wall as he stands on his bed and tries to climb up the wall to reach a picture of an owl.

Legend hears me enter and pauses his scaling efforts - "I'm awake. Legend awake!"
He returns to his mission.

Clearly I have lost this battle.

Whose Bum?

Legend has a very scrawny tushy. He is a tall, skinny boy and the skinniest part of him is his little bum. It is difficult to find pants that fit him because, if they are long enough, they are almost always too wide and slip right off his butt. His pants are even less likely to stay up now that he is out of diapers, making his bum even smaller.


Legend's pants are barely hanging on his hips, threatening to slip off at every move. Legend is even aware of it and holds them up while he walks around.

Me - "Those pants don't fit at all, do they? I think maybe those are Cash's pants; they are slipping right off your little bum."
Legend is offended - "No! That's Legend's bum. Not Cash's bum. I'm pooping in there."
He pats his bottom to punctuate his point.

Hugs

Kayla - "Auntie Kate. I wanna hug Legend."

Legend smiles - "Wanna hug, Kayla?"

They squeeze each other, with big smiles and with chubby cheeks pressed together. 

Cash gets a little jealous - "I wanna hug too!"

He grabs Legend around the waste and Legend giggles and curls into him for the hug. 

Kayla - "I wanna Cash hug too!"

Kayla goes in for a hug and she and Cash sandwich Legend.

Me - "Aw nice hugging! But who's going to hug me?"

All three tots immediately pounce on me with big, sweet smiles, each trying to be the first to get arms around me. 

And Mommy/Aunties Kate's heart grew three sizes that day.

Tired

Cash calls to me after a nice, long nap and I go in to get him out of bed.

Cash - "Auntie come here."
Me - "Here I come. Ready to get up?"
Cash - "I am tired of sleeping, Auntie."
Me - "Good thing you're awake now then."

Cheerios and Dinosaur Tails

Legend and Cash are sitting at the table playing with dinosaurs and munching on a morning snack: dry Cheerios, a toddler favourite.

Legend has lost interest in the cereal until Cash does something amazingly funny (according to Legend).
Cash takes a Cheerio and sticks it on his dinosaur's tail. Then he bites it off of the tail.
Legend squeals with laughter and must try it too. Cash squeals with laughter when he watches Legend.

The boys eat an entire bowl of Cheerios together this way, one by one over about 15 minutes. They run out of cereal before this stops being funny to them.

There is no way Kayla would have allowed this idle silliness to carry on so long if she were here today.

Pay Attention

Daddy and I bundle Legend up and take him out for an evening walk. It is quite chilly out, and dark save for the orange lights along the path, but nice to get some fresh air.

Legend pauses to play with a bush on the path and Cody and I get into a mild argument about whether or not Daylight Savings time is a good thing or not. We are both aware of Legend's location, but neither of us is actually looking at him.

After a few minutes...
Cody - "I suppose, if you have a toddler, spring ahead can be a good... Legend has his socks and boots off..."
Me - "Wha...?"

Legend is sitting on the cold dirt with both mittens off and the boot and sock off of his right foot. He is idly scratching in the dirt with a stick.

Me - "Legend, aren't you cold?" I put all his clothes back on him.
He immediately pulls his boot and sock off again/
Legend - "Don't wanna sock, boot."
Me - "Um. I think it is time to go back to the house."
Cody - "Yeah."

Cute

Legend is watching Sesame Street and a very adorable baby girl is shown talking to Elmo.

Me - "What a cutie!"
Daddy - "She is really cute. Sweetie pie."
Legend - "Baby cute! Cute!"

Daddy - "You're cute too, Legend."
Legend turns to Daddy angrily - "I'm a boy! Legend not cute. Boy!"

Lies

Legend and I are at the park playing with cars in the dirt, making roads and having races. We have been at the park for nearly an hour when the weather starts to turn.

An icy wind makes Legend visibly shiver.

Me - "We should go home now, Legend. It is getting cold."
Legend - "No home. It's warm." He lies.

He shivers again.
Me - "Okay. Time to go home, Legend."
Legend whines - "No. No. It's warm, Mommy. It's warm."

I should write this in his baby book as "First Bold-Faced Lie."

Explanation of all the Nakedness

During the last week, Legend has spent most of his time pants-less. I bought Legend a brand new blue potty and gave it to him just over a week ago. We placed it in the living room near all his toys so that he would see it (and think about it) all the time and would not have to run far when he realizes he has to go. He has done very well, but I am starting to look forward to teaching him to wear pants without having accidents. I have more than met my quota for toddler wiener sightings.

Last night, Cody and I went out on a date and had our very trustworthy and competent 17 year old babysitter come over.


She arrives and greets a half-naked Legend and is surprisingly relaxed about it for a 17 year old.
Cody quickly explains the nakedness, and so does Legend.

Legend runs over to his potty and makes sure he has his babysitter's full attention.
Legend, rambling excitedly and pointing emphatically at his potty - "My present. My potty present. Mommy, daddy, present Legend. Legend potty. Wee wee. I'm pooping in there."

Yep. Thanks Legend. I'm sure she's got the picture now.

A Time to Climb

Cash, Legend and I are at the park. The slide here is pretty difficult to climb up because the first platform is level with the boys' chest and there are no steps.

The boys have managed to climb up in the past, but we haven't been to this park in a really long time. They both try to climb up but can't. I assume the level of the gravel has settled over the winter and that the platform must be a bit more out of reach than it was last time.

Every time the boys want to climb up to the slide, they yell for help and I have to go over and help them swing their legs up. The boys go down the slide at least a dozen times each, with my help every single time.

At the end of our stay...
Me - "One last slide, then it is time to go!" I help them both up.
They slide down together, holding on tight to each other and laughing.

Me - "Okay boys. Please go over to the stroller and climb in."
Cash immediately runs to the stroller because he wants the front seat.
Legend - "NO!"

Legend runs over to the the edge of the first platform to the slide and adeptly climbs up with ease and even grace.

Apparently all Legend needed, rather than aid in swinging his legs up, was just a little more incentive.
A way to defy mommy is always great incentive for Legend.