Declaration of Gender

Legend climbs to the top of a crowded slide.

Legend - "I'm a boy!"
A much older boy, annoyed - "We know you're a boy. Gees."
A girl somewhere between their ages, a natural mediator - "Yeah, we know he's a boy, but he would be a good girl too."

Pretend Too Far

Legend is pretending he is a chicken with baby chicks to take care of.

Legend - "Boc boc. Baby chicks. Hungry? Okay. Here. Tired? Go night-night."

Cash runs over to Legend, grabs at the air near where Legend is playing, and pretends to eat the chicks.
Cash - "Ahhahaha! I eat your baby chicks! You're never gonna get them now!"
He tears of down the hall.

Legend is sincerely distraught.
He chases after Cash, "My chicks! My chicks!"

Cash is too fast for him.
Legend stops chasing, slumps his shoulders, and looks to me pitifully, helplessly.
He cries, "My babies!"

Mrs. Grinch

Legend refuses to get out of the bath. I am tired and annoyed at this nightly battle. After asking, over and over, that he get out of the bath, I finally just grab him and unceremoniously plunk him on the bathroom floor to towel him off.

Legend tries out some fake cries - "Don't grab me!"
They work. Daddy comes to try to smooth things over, as usual.
He picks Legend up and says something soothing.
Me - "You realize he is faking it..."

Cody - "Why are you crying, Legend?"
Legend - "Mommy come grab me out the water."
Cody - "She just wants to read you a story for bed now."
Legend - "Mommy grab Legend out the water. Mommy's a mean one."

Marriage Counselling

I woke up grumpy today, for no apparent reason.  Cody and I mostly grunted in each other's direction while we went about our business.

Legend notices the pervading grump.
He runs up to his daddy - "Daddy! I love you so much!"
Cody smiles his first smile of the day - "I love you too, Legend."

Legend then runs to me and grabs my leg, pulling me toward Cody.
Legend - "Altogether. Kisses!"

Legend compels us to have a family snuggle and 3-way smooch.
Our moods are changed drastically. The Grump is broken.


Thanks, Legend. 

Piano

Cash drops his play-do on the floor.

Cash - "Auntie, I dropped my play-do."
Me - "Okay. Why don't you go get it then?"
Cash - "You get it."
Me - "No. If you want it, you go get it. You have legs."

Cash takes a moment to look under the table to check.
Cash - "You have legs too, Auntie."
Me - "No. It is your play-do. I don't want it; I'm not going to get it. If you want it, go get it."

Legend jumps off his chair, picks up the play-do and smiles as he hands it to Cash.
Cash, very cross - "Legend! I wanted to get my play-do!"

Pretend

Cash has two cars and has given each one a distinct tone of voice while he plays.

Car 1 - "Mommy. Mommy, I need to talk to you."
Car 2 - "About what?"
Car 1 - "Suckers."
Car 2, annoyed - "No suckers. You're supposed to be in bed."
Car 1, resigned - "Aw. Okay. I'll go to bed now."

He then lays the cars upside down and pretends to snore.
Legend joins in the snoring, just for fun.

How to be Funny

Kayla - "Cash, you are so funny."

Cash - "I am not funny yet. First I have to eat my shoe. Then I am funny."

Hungry Baby

Legend rolls across the floor.

Legend - "Mommy, you try roll."

Me - "No thank you."

Legend - "Don't wanna baby squish?" He remembers my excuse.

Me - "That's right."

Legend - "Baby really hungry in there, in mommy's belly."

Me - "Baby is really hungry?"

Legend - "Yep. Really hungry. Better have a big snack. Crackers?"

He runs to his bowl of crackers sitting on the table from snack time and comes back with one.

He lifts my shirt and sticks the cracker in my belly button.

Legend - "There. Baby likes crackers."

Flowers

We are out for a hike and Kayla is taking note of every kind of wild flower we come across.

Kayla - "I love pretty princess flowers."

Legend, in the lowest voice he can manage - "I like boy flowers."

Kayla - "Princess flowers!"

Legend - "No! Boy flowers!" 

Footwear

Me - "Legend, do you want socks?"
Legend - "No thank-you. I am wearing toes."

The Queen

Legend steals a quarter from my purse.

Legend - "Gold treasure! Mommy, I have it?"
Me - "Okay, but you have to give it back."
Legend - "Gold treasure. Arrrr."

Legend inspects his treasure to find, of course, the picture of an old, wrinkly queen.
Legend - "Mommy, look! It's mommy on my gold treasure. It looks like a mommy. You!"
Me - "Gee thanks."

Partings

Cash's mother has arrived to pick him up. Legend is enthralled in playing with play-do and a little toy grizzly bear. 

Cash yells from the doorway, about to leave - "Legend! Come here! I'm going now!"

Legend yells "Bye-bye!" and keeps playing. 

Cash demands - "Legend! I said come here! I am going now and you have to say bye!"

Legend doesn't respond.

Cash marches over to Legend at the table.

"Legend. Legend. Legend. Legend! Legend! Legend! LEGEND!"

Cash taps, pokes and even jabs his friend.

Legend completely ignores Cash and focuses on his grizzly bear, digging in the "mud." 

Me - "Legend. Please say good-bye to Cash."

Legend, without looking up, and in a very silly voice - "BYE BYE!"

Cash - "Legend! You have to look me in the eyes to say bye! Legend. LEGEND!"

Gender Labels

Legend and Cash stand side by side admiring themselves in the mirror.

Legend - "We look like sisters!"
Cash, offended - "Legend! We are not Sisters! We are boys!"
Legend - "There's a sister in Mommy's belly!"
Me - "Maybe. Do you want a sister or a brother?"
Legend - "I wanna be sister. Big, strong, Legend, boy, sister."
Cash, disappointed in his friend - "Legend. You are a boy."

Just a moment later, Legend wraps a small blanket around himself and goes back to the mirror.
He flits from side to side and smiles demurely at himself.
Legend - "I'm a princess."
Cash, quite annoyed now - "You can't be a princess, Legend. You are a boy!"
Legend - "I'm a pretty princess."
Cash tattles and whines - "Auntie Kate, Legend's not a princess. He's a boy."
Legend - "You are a princess too Cash?"

Cash turns and walks down the hall to play dinosaurs by himself.

Legend, prancing on his tippy toes - "I am a princess."
Me - "And what a beautiful princess you are."

Roll

Legend and Cash are on their bellies rolling down a little hill at the park and giggling.

Legend jumps up from a good roll with a big smile on his face and runs up to me.
Legend - "You try, Mommy! Roll down hill! You try!"
Me - " I can't. I don't want to hurt the baby." I rub my belly to accentuate my excuse.
Legend stretches his hands out toward my belly - "I take baby. You try roll."

He walks up to my belly and pretends to take the baby.
Legend - "You roll. Try it."
Me - "You can't take my baby. It is in my belly."
Legend - "Huh? ... I have your baby! You're never gonna have baby again!"

He runs away across the field.
Cash follows, holding a pretend baby in his hands too.
Kayla follows too - "Boys! You can't steal Auntie Kate's baby!"

They spend the next 10 minutes running to my belly and back across the field, stealing and giving back my baby.

Cool Like That

We are out enjoying the sunshine. Legend doesn't want his hat and Kayla doesn't want her sunglasses, so we trade.

I never see Kayla do it but every time I look directly at her, her hat is on backwards. I repeatedly turn it forwards again.

Finally, me - "Kayla, why is your hat backwards?"
Kayla - "I'm cool like Legend."

Politically Incorrect

Me - "I am going to throw those jeans in the garbage or burn them when you aren't home."
Cody, appalled - "These jeans? Why!"
Me - "They are torn and they don't fit you! You look like a bum!"

Legend raises up in his chair and pats his bottom - "Look! A bum! Legend's bum too!"

Mother's Work

Legend is a mess after enjoying an ice cream cone at the park with Mommy and Daddy.
Daddy begins the work of wiping him clean.

Legend - "Hey. Daddy. You wipe Legend with cloth just like... just like a mommy."

Helmet

Legend watches a Sesame Street episode that teaches about bikes and helmets. Legend thinks the helmet muppet is hilarious.

After the show Legend sneaks up on his oblivious father who is checking something out on his phone, lying on the couch.

Legend gets a sneaky little gleam in his eye just before pouncing on his daddy's head.

Daddy wrestles to get the crazy boy off his head, but Legend is both wiry and determined.

Daddy - "Legend! What are you doing?!"
Legend - "I'm HELMET!"

Anatomy

We are having craft time with foam red monkeys. Legend has glued his monkey to a piece of paper, glued two eyes on its face, and demanded I draw a smile on it.

He is putting a gob of glue on its lower belly as a finishing touch.
Legend - "Monkey's wee wee."
Me - "That's his wee wee? Maybe it is his belly button?"
Legend - "No! BIG WEE WEE!"

I guess he has all the most important parts of anatomy covered: face and genitals. Beautiful.

Honey

We have recently been learning all about bugs. Today, we are learning about bees, wasps, and hornets.

After watching a short video of honeybees in a hive, discussing how bees make honey, tasting a bit of honey, and reading books about honeybees, I feel the kids are ready for a little quiz to see what they have learned.

Me - "What do honeybees use to make their honey?"
Cash - "Canned tuna."

Hungry

Roisin is joining us for dinner. She is sitting at the table, somewhat impatiently, apparently starving. This tiny, skinny, little girl can pack away a surprising amount of food and is always hungry.

Cody puts a plate of steaks in the middls of the table. Roisin's and Legend's plates of food are cooling in the fridge.

Roisin grasps the edge of the plate of stacked meat with her teeny little finger and pulls the whole plate toward herself.
"That mine?"

Man

Roisin, Kayla, Legend and I are dancing in the kitchen. The song playing is a nice light, soft song, and we are pretending to be butterflies as we dance.

Kayla - "Now we dance princesses!"
Roisin - "Princess dance!"
Me - "Okay, nice and elegant. Twirl. Beautiful."

Legend points at Roisin - "That Kayla is named Roisin."
Me - "Do you mean to say that Roisin is a girl like Kayla?"  I think he just realized this fact.
Legend - "Yeah. Roisin girl. Kayla girl. Mommy girl."
Me - "That's right. And where is a boy?" I look around the room, searching for boys.

Legend yells - "I'm a big, strong boy man!"
He immediately beats his chests and stomps around the house, grunting like a gorilla.

Impressive

Legend and Daddy are getting ready to go to the park together. Legend finds Cash's hat and thinks it is really nice.

Legend - "Look Daddy. Look. Cash hat. Cool."
Daddy - "Yeah, that's a nice hat. You can wear it tonight if you want."

Legend traces the design on the front with his fingers.
Legend - "Yeah. That's really friggin' impressive!"

Me - "I blame you, Cody."
Daddy - "Yeah, that's me. Oh my."